When I start with a new client, one of the first things we do is discuss the client’s goals both long term and short term.
Next comes an action plan i.e. determining manageable steps needed to achieve their goals followed by which step the client wants to start with.
Most clients do best with a time line so I assist them in crafting a workable structure to achieve the first couple of steps. Clients tend to be excited at this point and ready to charge into action.
Sounds good, right? Everything’s well defined, logical and understandable, yes? We’ve got a clear picture on how to move forward, correct?
Clients seem to be very positive and ready to go but but but then……
………..full stop.
Clients miss their next coaching session or work out or music lesson or basketball practice (fill in the blank).
They go incognito, ghost phone calls, texts or emails and evaporate into the ether.
Whoa!
Why do clients sometimes get stuck here?
I’ve noticed these 2 challenges for clients when they are trying so hard to establish a new habit, learn a new skill, create a new life.
First challenge is not understanding what’s actually needed to change.
Learning a new skill or changing behavior takes brain cells i.e. emotional, mental and physical energy. Many of my clients come to me running on empty, stressed out by both the pace and the demands of their lives. Using more brain cells sounds well, honestly, completely exhausting and overwhelming to them.
And none of us except the person involved can actually change. It is the clients’ journey to undertake and the client has to do whatever needs to be done.
A piano student must practice their scales, the teacher cannot practice for them. The coach teaches a pitcher the perfect slider but the pitcher has to go through the learning process-physically, emotionally and mentally. Change is transformation whether that’s learning a new skill or making a new habit part of a daily lifestyle.
The second challenge is clients not understanding it takes time and patience to achieve most goals. After getting fired up about setting their goals and creating action steps with a timeline some clients want to jump in the deep end and do everything today!
We see this kind of mindset in January each year with folks setting “resolutions”, going full tilt towards an important goal only to abandon it 4-6 weeks later and ending up feeling worse about themselves than January 1st when they started.
What’s the answer?
Start now.
Energy expended on behalf of goals today whether that be emotional, mental, physical or spiritual energy helps. Now is the best time to begin.
Second answer:
Ask for help. Life is demanding, life is stressful, life is challenging. Changing a habit, learning a new skill is work and takes time. Patience is not my top skill, is it yours?
Help comes to us in many different ways-professional, family, friends, colleagues, teachers, coaches, a book, a class. Figure out what is needed and ask for help. If you don’t know what is needed, say that and still ask for help.
Beware though, please be kind and ask for help from people who can be kind back. When clients are in the tender space of wanting something different but feel stuck in a place they don’t want, an unkind word from another can flatten any confidence they might have.
Third answer:
Start small. When I was a flute teacher, I always told my students that opening the flute case is the first step to practicing. Even if they only open the case, stare at the flute, close the case and put it away, if they do that every day, eventually they will put their flute together and start playing.
When everything feels overwhelming, what is one doable action clients could take right now?
Little by little becomes a lot. Creating forward momentum with taking very small action steps pays great dividends over time.
And momentum is a beautiful thing.
Gaining traction on your goals, little by little, day by day, demonstrates your commitment to yourself. Momentum deepens your trust in yourself by your act of following through on an important goal (even if your action is the tiniest of steps forward) and strengthens your self-integrity i.e. you keep your word to yourself.
Writing for 10 minutes at a time when a 5 page paper due is useful. No, the paper won’t be finished in 10 minutes. But if a student wrote for 10 minutes 2x a day for a week, they probably would have a workable rough draft.
Be brave. Be bold. Start now.
